F is for Friend.
I have been sat here trying to figure out how to word this post without sounding absolutely insane to everyone, so I am just going to speak from my heart & see where that gets me.
So there is this girl in my life, who absolutely & completely stole my heart from the second I saw her in college in 2004. I don't mean sexually or anything like that, although we do talk about sex a lot, because well, that's what friends do right? ha. we just clicked from the moment we started talking & I needed to be her friend. it was in college that our friendship began & it has grown so much from there. In 2005, I moved into her flat with her for the summer & we spent the whole 6 weeks together, which is still to this day, the best summer I have ever had, even when she did try to kill me one morning by cooking Turkey Dinosaurs & setting the grill on fire whilst I was still sleeping. I have honestly never jumped out of bed so fast in my life ha!
Fast forward a little bit & after we had been friends for around a year, she hooked me up with a guy in Leeds, who I then went on to marry. (I still need to return this little favor & hook her up with the man of her dreams.) She & my husband to this day still banter with each other, & I think it's great that my best friend & husband get along.
Sadly though, our friendship hasn't always been strong, it took a battering in 2010 because I was suffering Post Natal Depression after having my son! we went through a really bad patch & we stopped talking for 4 months, other people got themselves involved & it all ended up so messy! I don't really want to go in to all the details on this because I still & probably always will live with the guilt of what happened! I have since spent 8 years fighting every day to get her back, because it wasn't until then, that I truly realized that there is nobody that knows my soul like she does. For a month or so after we fell out, I did try to forget her & find new friends, but I always found myself needing her! when something good happened it was always her I wanted to tell first, & when something bad happened it was always her I needed to make it all better. it truly was a horrible experience & I never want us to ever go through anything like that ever again!
I truly feel that we are stronger now than we have ever been, she really is my absolute world. she is right up there with my husband & children! in fact, if she were the only person I was to have in my life, for the rest of my days, I would die happy & I mean that from the bottom of my heart, & I hope she knows it. we are so so much stronger & closer now than we ever were before, & I now know that without her in my life, my life just isn't complete. she is my soul friend, she is part of who I am & without her, I will always have part of me missing.
I was reading through a post a couple of days ago (which is what inspired this one) & it said that I hoped one day I could see her again to be able to make some new memories, & I am so happy to say that I/we will be getting to do this in the next few months when I go back home for a visit. I am so excited to see her, to hold her in my arms & just be in her company! it is something I have wished for & dreamed about for such a long time now!
because the truth is, I need her so much & I need to tell her in person, that I am never going anywhere ever again. She is & always will be mine.
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