Sunday, 7 July 2019

Felicity turns 5 years old.

I can't believe that my baby girl is now 5 years old. 

On Saturday 29th June, we had an early celebration with all of the family! We had a BBQ at nanna's house in the roasting hot sun & Felicity & Joel splashed around in the swimming pool ith their cousins & soaked each other with water guns! The family spoilt Felicity rotten with absolutely loads of coloring things & crafts.. she now has it coming out of her ears, but she couldn't be happier! 

Then on Wednesday 3rd July, we celebrated Felicity's 5th birthday! She was in school all day so she took some big share sized bags of Maom to school with her to share with all of her class, which her teacher shared out with everyone at the end of the day & they all sang "Happy Birthday" to Felicity at carpet time! 

She came out of school absolutely buzzing with excitement. When we got home, she had more presents to open & nanna & grandad came round for a cuppa & to give Felicity her present... the bike that she has been asking for months for! She spent around half an hour playing in the street with us all watching as she rode up & down with Joel & then we all went inside for more cups of tea & cake! 

On yesterday, on Saturday 6th July, we celebrated Felicitys birthday again, but this time with all of her friends, & a bouncy castle in the garden... all Unicorn themed! My amazing friend Kerry travelled from Blackburn (which none of my friends have ever done before by the way) & she spent the day with us & her own children, along with Felicity's friends, celebrating her day! It was fantastic! Even if the bouncy castle did turn up at 7.30am!!! an amazing time was had by all & come 7.30pm when the bouncy castle was finally collected, I had two VERY tired children that had been bouncy since 8am when they got up! I always get nervous for parties at home but I think it's safe to say, I pulled it off without any problems!

It is safe to say that today has been a very quiet Sunday. We have all been a little exhausted from yesterdays celebrations & the last week entirely!Felicity even went for a nap this afternoon & that is an occurance you do not see very often, & then she spent the rest of the day cracking on with her crafting.. she opened her plate today that she xcould decorate with pens & loved every second! It was very enjoyabe watching her do something she was very excited about. 

Having children is by far, the best thing I have ever done in my life. 

Wednesday, 5 June 2019

I'm a Warrior. I am stronger than I have ever been.

The last 3-4 months haven't exactly been the best start to my 2019. I lost my PIP in January, after the lady who assesed me in December 2018 lied through her teeth & had me kicked off. (I won my PIP back in March 2019, after I put in for a Mandatory Reconsideration & another case manager looked over my claim, went though all my history & decided that I did deserve to be awarded it.) Then in Feburary, my mum was taken into hospital extremely poorly with 2 strains of flu, & if that wasn't bad enough, within the same week, my husband also suffered a servere SVT attack that sent him to hospital with an extremely high heart rate. So as you can imagine, I was going through a lot, but I never let it get to me, I kept solidering on trying to stay positive & that was mostly because I always thought I had one person in my life that I could turn too when my husband wasn't avaliable... my best friend.

What a mug I turned out to be.. She'd been going through some "drama" with her American online friend, & I had been trying my best to support her through it, which meant, me sitting up with her on "whatsapp video" until gone 2-3am whilst she cried because "he had hurt her." 

Most of these nights for me where school nights, but I didn't care at the time, because all I cared about was that my friend needed me! so even though I had to get up with my children early the next day to take them to school, I still put her over me getting any decent sleep, which meant I also put her over my own health, & that's what hurts.. because she never did the same for me when it came to me needing her. Instead, as soon as her American friend "unmuted her" & she'd spent two weeks slagging him off to me, she took his side, said she won't hear nothing bad said about him (LMFAO) & blamed me for it all.. 


I now see how truly selfish & ungrateful she is as a person. For months she fed me all this bullshit about how we had come "full circle" in our friendship over the last 8 years that we had spent rebuilding our friendship, but clearly it was all just a front. she had never really forgiven me at all. I was the one who had done all the work in our friendship. I was the one who had changed & tried to become the person she wanted me to be just so I met her "manipulative & possesive" standards. 

She's still the same self-centred, attention seeker she always has been. She made me feel guilty for something I did when I wasn't even in my right mind because I was suffering PND. She held it against me & manipulated me for 8 years. She played the victim just to make me feel sorry for her... she played the game so well, because I fell for it all! but I see it all now. she's got a pattern that she plays with all of her friends, she's nothing more than a liar & a manipulative little troll! she plays mind games with her friends! it's classic Katie Wearing:
 she blames her "Ginormous Arsehole Disease" (GAD) & everyone else, asides from herself, for her shitty, manipulative, possesive, behaviour when she makes up stupid stories in her head with her insecurities!

Then she wonders why nobody wants to hang out with her, why nobody invites her out anywhere & why she sits in her bedroom all alone. She brings it all on herself. she does this to herself! when she fell out with me, she played an absolute blinder!!! she proved exactly how insecure she really is as a person, because she just "had" to get the last word in before blocking me. she did this by bad-mouthing me to my husband on Twitter, calling me "vicious & evil" which to me, just makes her the vicious & evil one who couldn't "control" my husband or the situation, so she started hurling abuse about me instead. i'm not going to lie, it hurt me so bad seeing the things she had said, & it's taken me months to even be able to talk about her without breaking down or getting angry! I will never forgive her for making me feel like that. I mean, what sort of "best friend"  then goes & brings all the past up just to get at me?!? 

She knew the game she was playing right from the start... She made me feel like we had gotten close as friends, but again that was clearly all another lie, & when she ended our friendship, she showed me & my husband just how much of a snake she truly is, trying to cover her own arse & blame me! Single white female much! 

Funniest thing is; this "American guy" doesn't even see her as a friend, not like she sees him! she's infatuated. I just really wish I could show her the conversations he's had with me & my husband & show her just how much he isn't her friend, & that he just "puts up with her" - his words not mine. She tried to say i'd played them off against each other! there was definetely some playing off going on, but it wasn't me playing them off, they were doing it perfectly fine all by themselves. I was just stuck in the middle of their immature shit!! & the next time their friendship falls apart, because it will, because its not real! she will see that it wasn't me at all, & that she's thrown away the only friend she's ever had that didn't give up on her! but I guess she's guna have to learn that very hard lesson all by herself, & when Karma finally hits her in the face, hopefully with a brick! I won't be the one who's picking up all her "broken" pieces & putting her back together again, because after all of this, I have learnt that she isn't a good friend, she isn't even a good person! She's lonely & bitter, & she wants everyone around her to sink down to her deluded level.

I swear, she actually enjoys being a bitch & shooting her mouth off all over social media & being a complete twat towards people! funniest thing is, she wouldn't dare say none of it to anyone in person, because she's an absolute coward that plays the "GAD" card & the "victim card" when she's never been a victim in her life. she has no idea whats it like to be a victim of anything!! she's never had to fight for anything because from the day she was born she's wanted for nothing, because her parents have always wiped her arse & made sure she's got everyrthing she needs, & YET, she slags her own family off CONSTANTLY! The people that do everything for her, she speaks of them like they're shit & that is just vile. 

Her sister & her parents are the reason she has the decent life that she does & she hasnt yet been thrown in some scummy care home & left to rot. her mum & dad brought her into this world & have given her everything that she has, they even moved her in with them when she couldn't live alone, & they have given up their WHOLE lives ever since, just to make sure she has a comfortable one... I don't know why they bother, she's an absolute disgrace. I wish they knew how she spoke about them, because she isn't this innocent, vulnerablem person that they think she is! she's dripping with poison. She has no consideration for anyone but herself, & she's let her insecurities ruin her life. 

it's taken me far too long, but i've finally started seeing that I can live without her, & when I did finally realize it, the relief I felt when it dawned on me that I wouldn't have to listen to her deadbeat dribble anymore was amazing! I don't need her. I have plenty of REAL friends, one's that dont bring me down, instead they lift me up! they've been there for me constantly since March, picking me up, making me laugh when I didn't even want to smile & helping me out any way that they can! especially on my pain days, because the truth is, this whole bullshit has a had a massive effect on my health, because my brain can't cope with stress, (which she knew, but of course, she didn't care!) i've been poorly constantly since December 2018 whilst dealing with everything that I have, plus her melodramatics!

What annoys me most? her health always had to be center of our conversations, she never cared about me or anything I had going on, she acts like she's the only person to suffer with life-long conditions, but she's not! her conditon has been pretty stable since the day I met her, asides from one hand surgery. i'd love to see her come through 3 lots of brain surgery, bitch couldn't hack being in my shoes! fucking hell, she'd have a field day with it, she'd turn it into a bastard soap opera on her Youtube Channel, it's bad enough seeing her milk the shit out of her EDS. Thankfully, i'm nothing like her, & i'm not one to moan about being in pain or my conditions, because it makes me feel weak, so I just get on with it, I don't need to make a Youtube Channel for attention.

I actually fucking loved that girl to death. I let all my barriers down around her & I let her back into my heart, because she made me believe she was real & I could trust her... What a big fat fucking lie that turned out to be! I made her a huge part of my life & she made me a priority! she's hurt me more than she will ever know & now she has lost the only friend she ever had that didn't give up on her, because everyone else has! 

As far as I am concerned, she's dead to me now. She died in March, i've done my grieving! She ain't worth me destroying my inner peace for! At least I can take some comfort in finally understand why all the people that have dumped her did so.  

She deserves to be alone. 

Sunday, 5 May 2019

Easter Holiday Adventures.

Every parent dreads the school holidays right? well, i'm not going to lie, I really wasn't looking forward to the prospect of two children home from school for 14 days, probably killing each other after just 24 hours! I tried my best to be as well as I could every day that we had something planned, & if I wasn't feeling well, I sucked it up anyways, because getting out of the house & burning off some of that crazy energy from my children was better than being stuck indoors being driven mad.

Just because i'm not one of these mums that can whisk their children off to Disney land at the last second for Easter, that didn't mean I couldn't still do things with my children. Our first weekend consisted of simply just going for a walk! We didn't go far, because well, my legs won't carry me that far without going dead on me, so we just took a slow stroll up the tracks at the back of our house, which Joel & Fliss really enjoyed & considering they had already started bickering between themselves, I would say it was needed. 

During the holidays, I was supposed to be taking Joel & Fliss home to Barrow with me, but due to unforseen circumstances we didn't end up getting to go, so to make it up to them, we took them to our favorite spot for the day - Xscape/Freeport in Glasshoughton! They absolutely love it there! There are plenty of places to eat, there is a shopping center, arcades & in the holidays there is always attractions for the kids! There is always a HUGE bouncy castle sat just ouside the doors of Xscape & everytime we go to xscape you can garantee I need to have money on me for the kids to go on it! we usually get there around lunch time, so we always stop off for something to eat somwhere first & it's always either Pizza Hut or Mcdonalds & seen as we managed to take them twice during the holidays, we did Pizza hut the first time & Mcdonalds the second time! 

After we'd stuffed our faces & filled our stomaches, we took a stroll over to Freeport, daddy went off to have a mooch in GAME whilst I sat in the sun watching Joel & Fliss on the merry-go-round! I always wonder how they manage to go on that thing & not start spewing, seen as they've not long eaten! the first time we visited Freeport in the holidays, they went on the merry-go-round & Joel insisted that he "wasn't" too big for the plane, & once he had managed to squeeze himself in there, even the woman running it was almost keeling over laughing at him going round on it with his knees almost in his face!! Fliss always chooses the bus without fail, she loves sitting on the top & feeling the wind in her hair... she's a bit of a speed junkie!!

Once daddy had finished in Game & the kids had had enough on the merry-go-round, aka, one of them started to feel nauseous! we then had a wander around the shopping center, did a bit of window shopping whilst the rest of our food digested & then we headed back over towards Xscape where the attractions & arcades where.. on our first visit during the holidays, we took Joel & Fliss into the arcades where they played air hockey with daddy being ref, raced on Mario Kart, & Felicity found a pink car that she was desparate to ride! 

The main event though is always near the end of the day when we allow the kids to burn off the last of their energy before going home on the huge bouncy castle! They absolutely love it... if I had the space in my garden, I kid you not, I would hire it at home for the kids to play on all day... it's absolutely amazing, even I get slightly jealous when they're zooming around on it! 

During our second week of the holidays (Easter weekend) I don't know where the weather came from, but it was boiling hot. so warm that I actually managed to get the swimming pool out for the afternoon for Joel & Felicity!

On our final weekend before Joel & Fliss went back to school, we visited Swindens farm for the day with nanna & grandad. Felicity was in her absolute element with all the animals & there being so much to do, & Joel had a brilliant time too, dabbing with his dad on hay bales & wasting as much energy as absolutely possible! We went to the petting zoo part, where you could hold the rabbits & guinea pigs, Felicity wanted to bring a guinea pig & rabbit home with her & Joel looked like he was going to poop himself when the lady handed him a rabbit to hold - he isn't keen on small animals that wriggle, which is ironic really, considering the boy never sits still himself. nevertheless though, he let me take a photo of him holding the rabbit, even if he did look like he was about to have a nervous breakdown! 

When Joel had gotten over his breakdown from having to holding a tiny wriggling animal, we went to see the bigger animals! Joel & Felicity both got their own bag of carrots to feed the animals with! the goats & sheep where sooo greedy, they were acting like they'd never been fed, but i'm pretty sure with hundreds of people passing them with carrots all day long that wasn't the case! Felicity absolutely loved the baby sheep.. she again wanted to take one home! I wanted to take a goat, just so it would eat my grass & I wouldn't have to buy a new lawn mower. 

I also loved all the piggies.

Once Joel & Fliss had gotten rid of all their carrots aka the goats had eaten them all, we went to sit in the barn where there was a huge pile of hay bales that the kids could climb - Daddy & Joel decided to climb all the way to the top & do a dab! Felicity bumped into a friend from school, so she disappeared off with her to play in the sand & bounce on the bouncy castle! there was honestly SO MUCH that the kids could do, it was amazing! Joel even had a go on the go karts, he wasn't as good at driving a real one as he is playing Mario Kart though! 

Felicity also managed to conquer her fear of cows whilst at the farm. She was so brave considering she didn't even want to go into the part where the cows where to begin with... until someone mentioned baby cows! She was then so busy petting all the babies that she didn't even bat an eyelid at all the adults being noisy & mooing.

Very proud mummy moment.

To finish off what happened to be an amazing 2 weeks with our children, we had some family time at the in laws on Easter Sunday where Joel & Felicity spent the afternoon with their cousin Chloe. After all of our adventures over the past 2 weeks I was pretty sore & knackered by this point, so I just sat in the garden with all the family, on my arse with a brew in hand, watching my children enjoy their last weekend before going back to school, running around the garden finding eggs with their counsin Chloe & eating chocolate ALL AFTERNOON! They even managed to start a water fight in the garden between themselves! which I forgot to take photos of due to it happening so fast & unexpectedly, but I got to witness it all with my own eyes & that was more than enough for me.