I have spent a few days working out how I was going to write this post without offending people, & then I relized, you know what? this is my blog, my space, & if people don't like what I write then they don't have to read it. it's that simple! So before I get started, I just need to say, I am putting my entire head space into this post, so if you are easily offended then I advise you probably not to read this one.
- V is for Value!
When I asked my friends on Facebook for suggestions on a "V post", one of my good friends said "value" I have since been pondering this for a few days trying to work out what I could put into a value post. could it be family? could it be friends? & then it came to me... How do I value myself?
Not very highly as it happens. & that is because of so many other people chipping away at me over the years. People who have taken my friendship, taken my help, & then thrown it all back in my face. Not a lot of people may relize this, but when you don't value yourself very high to begin with, & other people hurt you, it can have a massive negative affect on your self-worth, self-belief & yourself entirely as a person.
I have always been a bit of a push over. I don't really like confrontation or conflict & I will do everything in my power to keep the peace with a person, even if that means forgetting what I want & doing exactly what they want. This where I have been going wrong for so long. I always feel like I have to explain myself to everyone, when in actual fact, I don't.
For years I wore my heart on my sleeve, & when I think about it now, all these people that used me & then dumped me when they were done, must have seen me coming a mile off. Things got so bad, that I then started believeing what was being said about me, & I actually started believeing it myself. This is something I am still trying to work on, & I guess it also one of the reasons I started blogging again, because when I blog, I can write exactly what I feel & nobody can say a thing about it. I don't openly share as much as I used to on Social Media anymore because back when I did, I just got hate for it, people where either jealous of me, or they just didn't like me & they made sure I knew it.
One person even went as far as copying everything I did on Social Media, she set up her own blog off the back of me setting mine up & everything... creepy much! These sort of people I like to call "Clones" they are so insecure with their own life that they try to bring you down... At first I let it get to me, but now, years later, I sit & think, is she stil blogging? no! she's probably off copying soemone else & making their life hell. Can't be doing with people that make out they are perfect parents with a perfect life & try to make it known by ripping others apart. Urgh, bore off.
Nobody needs that sort of negativity in their lives. Especially not someone like me, because then I am the one who gets stressed & worries about it & makes myself poorly, not the people who actually said the stuff. I am the one with the conscience over it all, not them!
So this year I made a promise to myself to be more positive, be kinder to myself & stop putting myself down, because those aren't my opinions of myself, they are the opinions of other people who are no longer apart of my life. therefore, I need to remember that what they say doesn't matter either...
I think I am getting there, but it isn't something that will happen over night, I really need to believe it.