The last 3-4 months haven't exactly been the best start to my 2019. I lost my PIP in January, after the lady who assesed me in December 2018 lied through her teeth & had me kicked off. (I won my PIP back in March 2019, after I put in for a Mandatory Reconsideration & another case manager looked over my claim, went though all my history & decided that I did deserve to be awarded it.) Then in Feburary, my mum was taken into hospital extremely poorly with 2 strains of flu, & if that wasn't bad enough, within the same week, my husband also suffered a servere SVT attack that sent him to hospital with an extremely high heart rate. So as you can imagine, I was going through a lot, but I never let it get to me, I kept solidering on trying to stay positive & that was mostly because I always thought I had one person in my life that I could turn too when my husband wasn't avaliable... my best friend.
What a mug I turned out to be.. She'd been going through some "drama" with her American online friend, & I had been trying my best to support her through it, which meant, me sitting up with her on "whatsapp video" until gone 2-3am whilst she cried because "he had hurt her."
Most of these nights for me where school nights, but I didn't care at the time, because all I cared about was that my friend needed me! so even though I had to get up with my children early the next day to take them to school, I still put her over me getting any decent sleep, which meant I also put her over my own health, & that's what hurts.. because she never did the same for me when it came to me needing her. Instead, as soon as her American friend "unmuted her" & she'd spent two weeks slagging him off to me, she took his side, said she won't hear nothing bad said about him (LMFAO) & blamed me for it all..
I now see how truly selfish & ungrateful she is as a person. For months she fed me all this bullshit about how we had come "full circle" in our friendship over the last 8 years that we had spent rebuilding our friendship, but clearly it was all just a front. she had never really forgiven me at all. I was the one who had done all the work in our friendship. I was the one who had changed & tried to become the person she wanted me to be just so I met her "manipulative & possesive" standards.
She's still the same self-centred, attention seeker she always has been. She made me feel guilty for something I did when I wasn't even in my right mind because I was suffering PND. She held it against me & manipulated me for 8 years. She played the victim just to make me feel sorry for her... she played the game so well, because I fell for it all! but I see it all now. she's got a pattern that she plays with all of her friends, she's nothing more than a liar & a manipulative little troll! she plays mind games with her friends! it's classic Katie Wearing: she blames her "Ginormous Arsehole Disease" (GAD) & everyone else, asides from herself, for her shitty, manipulative, possesive, behaviour when she makes up stupid stories in her head with her insecurities!
Then she wonders why nobody wants to hang out with her, why nobody invites her out anywhere & why she sits in her bedroom all alone. She brings it all on herself. she does this to herself! when she fell out with me, she played an absolute blinder!!! she proved exactly how insecure she really is as a person, because she just "had" to get the last word in before blocking me. she did this by bad-mouthing me to my husband on Twitter, calling me "vicious & evil" which to me, just makes her the vicious & evil one who couldn't "control" my husband or the situation, so she started hurling abuse about me instead. i'm not going to lie, it hurt me so bad seeing the things she had said, & it's taken me months to even be able to talk about her without breaking down or getting angry! I will never forgive her for making me feel like that. I mean, what sort of "best friend" then goes & brings all the past up just to get at me?!?
She knew the game she was playing right from the start... She made me feel like we had gotten close as friends, but again that was clearly all another lie, & when she ended our friendship, she showed me & my husband just how much of a snake she truly is, trying to cover her own arse & blame me! Single white female much!
Funniest thing is; this "American guy" doesn't even see her as a friend, not like she sees him! she's infatuated. I just really wish I could show her the conversations he's had with me & my husband & show her just how much he isn't her friend, & that he just "puts up with her" - his words not mine. She tried to say i'd played them off against each other! there was definetely some playing off going on, but it wasn't me playing them off, they were doing it perfectly fine all by themselves. I was just stuck in the middle of their immature shit!! & the next time their friendship falls apart, because it will, because its not real! she will see that it wasn't me at all, & that she's thrown away the only friend she's ever had that didn't give up on her! but I guess she's guna have to learn that very hard lesson all by herself, & when Karma finally hits her in the face, hopefully with a brick! I won't be the one who's picking up all her "broken" pieces & putting her back together again, because after all of this, I have learnt that she isn't a good friend, she isn't even a good person! She's lonely & bitter, & she wants everyone around her to sink down to her deluded level.
I swear, she actually enjoys being a bitch & shooting her mouth off all over social media & being a complete twat towards people! funniest thing is, she wouldn't dare say none of it to anyone in person, because she's an absolute coward that plays the "GAD" card & the "victim card" when she's never been a victim in her life. she has no idea whats it like to be a victim of anything!! she's never had to fight for anything because from the day she was born she's wanted for nothing, because her parents have always wiped her arse & made sure she's got everyrthing she needs, & YET, she slags her own family off CONSTANTLY! The people that do everything for her, she speaks of them like they're shit & that is just vile.
Her sister & her parents are the reason she has the decent life that she does & she hasnt yet been thrown in some scummy care home & left to rot. her mum & dad brought her into this world & have given her everything that she has, they even moved her in with them when she couldn't live alone, & they have given up their WHOLE lives ever since, just to make sure she has a comfortable one... I don't know why they bother, she's an absolute disgrace. I wish they knew how she spoke about them, because she isn't this innocent, vulnerablem person that they think she is! she's dripping with poison. She has no consideration for anyone but herself, & she's let her insecurities ruin her life.
it's taken me far too long, but i've finally started seeing that I can live without her, & when I did finally realize it, the relief I felt when it dawned on me that I wouldn't have to listen to her deadbeat dribble anymore was amazing! I don't need her. I have plenty of REAL friends, one's that dont bring me down, instead they lift me up! they've been there for me constantly since March, picking me up, making me laugh when I didn't even want to smile & helping me out any way that they can! especially on my pain days, because the truth is, this whole bullshit has a had a massive effect on my health, because my brain can't cope with stress, (which she knew, but of course, she didn't care!) i've been poorly constantly since December 2018 whilst dealing with everything that I have, plus her melodramatics!
What annoys me most? her health always had to be center of our conversations, she never cared about me or anything I had going on, she acts like she's the only person to suffer with life-long conditions, but she's not! her conditon has been pretty stable since the day I met her, asides from one hand surgery. i'd love to see her come through 3 lots of brain surgery, bitch couldn't hack being in my shoes! fucking hell, she'd have a field day with it, she'd turn it into a bastard soap opera on her Youtube Channel, it's bad enough seeing her milk the shit out of her EDS. Thankfully, i'm nothing like her, & i'm not one to moan about being in pain or my conditions, because it makes me feel weak, so I just get on with it, I don't need to make a Youtube Channel for attention.
I actually fucking loved that girl to death. I let all my barriers down around her & I let her back into my heart, because she made me believe she was real & I could trust her... What a big fat fucking lie that turned out to be! I made her a huge part of my life & she made me a priority! she's hurt me more than she will ever know & now she has lost the only friend she ever had that didn't give up on her, because everyone else has!
As far as I am concerned, she's dead to me now. She died in March, i've done my grieving! She ain't worth me destroying my inner peace for! At least I can take some comfort in finally understand why all the people that have dumped her did so.
She deserves to be alone.
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