A-Z Challenge - U is for Unhappy! (it's been one of those days)

- U is for Unhappy!

I am sorry if this post is a little negative, but I can't hold this inside my head & pretend that I am okay anymore, because i'm not. On 21st January 2019, I recieved a letter from DWP stating that my PIP (Peronsonal Independant Payment) will be stopping, because after having a review on 5th December 2018, with some woman who quite frankly couldn't have given a flying toss about me or my health situation, decided that she would deny me for the benefit, despite me living with life-long chronic conditions that are going to make my life hell for the rest of my life, nor will they ever improve or change. 

Who cares tho right? she still got paid for "doing her job."

Baring in mind, when I was on DLA, I was on it "indefinete" because my conditons are for life!! I was born like this & i'm lucky to be alive as it is. 

This hit me hard, & for the last week or so, I have had to paint on this massive fake smile & tell everyone who has asked what they want to hear. That "i'm going to fight for my benefit & win!" when really, all I have wanted to do is curl up & die. My husband has anxiety himself due to me nearly dying!! & on top of that, he has to look after me, & our children!! & now, he has to pay all my bills, on top of his with his measely little benefit, whilst also trying to keep a roof over our heads..

i'm not going to lie, I felt so low a few weeks back that I sat looking on Google at ways to end my life without it looking like I had actually killed myself, because I was done with fighting. I don't want to have to fight anymore, & I especially don't want to fight government arseholes that only care about lining their own pockets. The governmen is all about fucking money!! 

People are jumping from bridges, hanging themselves & overdosing because the government are taking away their benefits & leaving them with nothing... & do they care? DO THEY FUCK!! 

The rich are getting richer & the poor are KILLING THEMSELVES. 

If you vote Tory, then you are basically condoning this SHIT!! you are allowing this shit to happen! Some of us have fuck all & we rely on those benefits to live & most of us don't see a way out without them! these suicides & deaths are down to the Tory Government & no fucker else. 

WELL DONE you're killing people.

I don't want to be a victim to their bullshit, so I am still here, still trying with all my might to fight this crap.. if not for me, then for my husband & my kids! becuse they deseve more than anyone to still have me here & for me to not let it all get on top of me & let those bastards win! 

so last week I put in for a "mandatory reconsideration" with DWP! I sat on the phone with a case-manager & broke my heart telling her how the woman who assesed me lied through her teeth & put words in my mouth, she even went as far as putting things down in her report that weren't even mentioned in the assesment. & if the mandatory reconsideration is denied then I will take the shit-heads all the way to court too! I then spoke to Welfare Rights who said that most people who put in for an "MR" get it turned down & if this happens to me they will help me go to tribunal. 

I am not one for fighting & causing a fuss, but when it affects not just me but my family, then you're fucking with the wrong spoonie!! when it comes to my life, I have literally had to fight all the way! 

& my mamma always taught me to be a wolf, not a sheep.