- B IS FOR BRAVERY!
Over the last three, almost fours years, I have gone through a lot for one person.
I was born at 27.5 weeks gestation & suffered a 50% ventricular brain bleed, this lead to me developing Hydrocephalus, which I have now lived with all of my life. As well as that, due to being born so prematurely, my lungs weren't formed properly & they both collapsed, causing me to develop servere bronchiectasis throughout both of my lungs, something like that. I was only a baby I don't recall exactly how it happened.
Thankfully tho, my lung disease has been somewhat stable for a good few years now, I live on inhalers & medications & then antibiotics when I get chest infections, but I am blessed, because it could be far worse for me, I have seen how much worse it can be for other people & I know that one day I may need a lung transplant to replace both of my lungs if they give up, but until that day comes, if it does, I am thankful that they are still holding out for me.
My Hydrocephalus however has been a little bit naughty in the last almost 4 years. When I was born, I had a single VP Shunt put in place at birth. As I grew I ended up in & out of hospital having revisions, but my last revision as a child, that I can remember, was when I was 10 years old. From then, I have lived with one shunt, draining excess fluid off my brain perfectly well & keeping me alive. That is until January 2015 when that shunt failed. I ended going through 3 lots of major brain surgery to save my life. I also ended up needing a 7-hour long stomach surgery when my tubes decided to dislodge themselves from my stomach 10 days after I was discharged from hospital.
Since then I have been trying my damn hardest to adjust to life with 2 shunts, which is actually very different to life with just one! I sleep way more because I get exhausted much easier, my balance is affected a lot more, I suffer horrific migraines, & due to all the stress my brain was under in those first 5 days, I now also suffer long term memory loss & a condition known as FND (Functional Neurological Disorder) this is where my brain doesn't function like it should, so when I get anxious, stressed or if I am upset or feeling poorly, my brain panics & it starts sending out all the wrong signals to my body, which then causes weakness of my left side, pins & needles in both sides of my body, & a lot of pain! This has had a massive effect on my mental state over the last 12 months, it has made me a lot more anxious & afraid to do the littlest of things, like leave the house alone in case my left leg goes numb & causes me to fall over, I wont even shower alone now, as I have had a few accidents where my left leg has gone dead & I have slipped & hurt myself. On top of that, my meory loss also plays a massive part in my day to day life & I really struggle to remember a lot of things, especially if it is something important to do with my children, like a play or meeting & I forget to attend, it causes a lot of guilt & then puts me in a low mood.
So in conclusion to this post, I don't think I am brave. I am just trying to get through each day, one at a time, living with my chronic illnesses & chronic pain!
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