- N is for Negativity!
As most of you know now, almost 4 years ago I had three lots of life saving brain surgery in the space of 3 days & everyday since then, my brain has been & is, STILL recovering. I still suffer these symptoms, because shit like this doesn't just "calm down" & "go away" it's frustrating being me most days! I feel belittled when I forget stuff & I get really embarrassed a lot of the time.
I sit & think, that before all the surgeries, I was okay. I still had Hydrocephalus, but I was okay, & now, almost 4 years on, I feel like a total moron most days! remembering things is really hard, I have to write EVERYTHING down & even then I still forget! some days I get so frustrated & panicked that I make myself poorly! but the forgetfulness is only one of the many symptoms I have to live with on a daily basis, whilst also trying to live a "normal" life! & believe it or not, there really isn't a lot of people out there that want to understand..
A couple of months after my surgery in 2015, some awful, vile woman & a few of her friends in a mums group decided to nickname me "Jharmong!" even tho at the time of my surgeries she & her friends had "supported me" & sent me their "well-wishes" but I see now that these people were so insecure that they decided to pick on me, saying things like "She's such a mong, maybe her surgery didn't work properly?!"
maybe if these people had of seen in the flesh how close I came to dying in those 5 days, they wouldn't have been so awful? at the time this really hurt, I was still going through a lot, & it did send me spiraling a bit with my mental health after all I had been through! so after weeks of abuse (which felt like months) I decided that no more would I be someones target on Facebook & I removed myself from every single mum's group that I was in - & I was in a few back then! & over the last couple of years my life has been great! I only have a very small circle of friends on Facebook now as I don't trust very many people & I am also too poorly to be dealing with drama & immaturity. I have learnt to feel sorry for people that like to pick on others just to get their kicks, how sad their life must be when they feel the need to pick on other people & point out their flaws & disabilities.. I doesn't even make them people, it just makes them scummy.
Don't get me wrong, i'm no angel myself have said shit in the heat of the moment when in an argument, but I always go back & apologise when the dust has settled, because that's the sort of person I am, I don't hold grudges & I definitely don't like the thought of others disliking me. When you go through as much as I have in such a short space of time, it not only knocks your confidence as a person, it also makes you realize exactly who & what is important in life, & in my life, I have to live with my conditions for the rest of my days, but what I don't have to live with, is nasty people making me feel like crap!
maybe if these people had of seen in the flesh how close I came to dying in those 5 days, they wouldn't have been so awful? at the time this really hurt, I was still going through a lot, & it did send me spiraling a bit with my mental health after all I had been through! so after weeks of abuse (which felt like months) I decided that no more would I be someones target on Facebook & I removed myself from every single mum's group that I was in - & I was in a few back then! & over the last couple of years my life has been great! I only have a very small circle of friends on Facebook now as I don't trust very many people & I am also too poorly to be dealing with drama & immaturity. I have learnt to feel sorry for people that like to pick on others just to get their kicks, how sad their life must be when they feel the need to pick on other people & point out their flaws & disabilities.. I doesn't even make them people, it just makes them scummy.
Don't get me wrong, i'm no angel myself have said shit in the heat of the moment when in an argument, but I always go back & apologise when the dust has settled, because that's the sort of person I am, I don't hold grudges & I definitely don't like the thought of others disliking me. When you go through as much as I have in such a short space of time, it not only knocks your confidence as a person, it also makes you realize exactly who & what is important in life, & in my life, I have to live with my conditions for the rest of my days, but what I don't have to live with, is nasty people making me feel like crap!
No comments:
Post a Comment