- G is for Gaming!
As many of you know, I have battled depression & anxiety since I was 19 years old! i'm going to be 32 this September & over the years I have tried so many different things to help me conquer those horrible days when low mood smacks you in the face & all you want to do is hide in your bed & die!
In 2012 I took up a hobby of keeping tropical fish.. this obsession lasted for around 5 years as I battled my mental health, it was so satisfying building my tank up & watching all the different fish swim round, I even did some fish breeding for a short period, but then in 2017 when my health started to deteriorate, I wasn't able to keep up with caring for the fish anymore & even though to some people they were just fish, it made me feel extremely guilty because I am a massive animal lover & they were still living beings & they depended on me to look after them! so with a lot of thought, I eventually came to the decision that the best thing would be to sell my fish on to someone who could look after them. I was absolutely gutted, but I just wasn't up to it anymore.
Since then I have been trying to find other things to conquer my low moods, I tried writing a journal at one stage, but as my memory loss has gotten worse, I started missing days, then weeks & then I just gave up on it altogether. Then one night in September 2018 my friend Katie introduced me to a mobile game called PUBG.. I am not going to lie, i'm not a gamer in the slightest, & it's a shooting game, so when she first told me about it I just kind of snorted & was like "i'm not playing that" but Katie being Katie, she persisted with me, & finally got me to download it & have a couple of games with her! well, I shit you not, it is honest to goodness, the best thing ever.
For one, its on my mobile phone so I always have with me for a sneaky game if I am not busy, but mostly, it has really helped me with my low moods. over the last month I have found myself more & more, disappearing into the game when I am feeling low.. I either play solo on my own if nobody is on, which gives me some good practice because I ain't the greatest, but I also really like to play in Squads, with my best friend Katie & her best friends Wanji & GG!
I am not going to lie here... There's nothing more satisfying than shooting someone dead & stealing their belongings when you're feeling frustrated & anxious! I have become quite addicted to it, it's so fun & I really enjoy playing it with Katie as we can talk through the mics on the chat also! sometimes I like to go on there just to have a natter with Katie & we don't always play the game probably because we are too busy chatting & end up getting shot dead.
My name is Jharmain Mortimer & by day, I am a full time Spoonie Mum, & by night, once my children are tucked up in bed & I have a cup of tea in my hand, I become a gunman that goes around shooting online players dead for their belongings!
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