Having children & living with Depression.

When I was growing up I always said; "i'm never going to get depressed" but little did I know at the time, that nobody chooses to suffer with depression, depression chooses them. 

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 19 years old. I had just moved to Leeds (UK) to live with my Fiance, & for a few weeks my moods had been serverely low, I was snapping at everyone for the slightest things & I couldnt get the nasty thoughts out of my head that were drowning my brain. It wasn't until Neil's family witnessed one of my outbursts, (all because Neil opened a packet of my crisps without asking) I then had a long chat with my sister in law, I explained the best I could to her how I was feeling & she told me to go to the doctors, & it is since that moment that I have been fighting this battle. 

I am now almost 28 years old, & over the years I have had a lot of ups & downs, I have suffered with Post Natal Depression twice, the first time being a lot worse than the second. I didn't know or understand what was going on with me, I thought I was supposed to feel happy & overjoyed that I had just had a beautiful little boy, but I didn't. I just felt dread. I spent 8 months suffering because I didn't have the guts to walk into the doctors & admit that I wasn't coping, but after travelling home to see family & having one of my "episodes" on my sister, my mum sent me packing back to Leeds & demanded I went to the doctors, so I did, & after speaking with the doctor & him scoring me a 19 on a questionaire I was placed on a high dose of medication for PND, & ever since then I have been learning to live with my condition whilst bringing up my two children! I do however feel like I have improved over the past 2 years, but it has taken me a heck of a long time to get to where I am. I have been on medication since 2010 now, & in 2012 I hit a really bad patch, so I was also referred for councilling too. I didnt think it was working back then, but now I see that it really has.

I have only been a Mummy of two for 8 months, & I know in my heart that compared to a few years ago I deal with things a heck of a lot better now. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days were depression tries to take over, but i'm lucky, because I have my husband by my side & I also have his amazingly family to support me. along with my health visitor & my friends. I really didnt think I was going to cope when I was pregnant in 2014.. I was so anxious & nervous, but I know now that I am a great mum to both of my children & that if I carry on this battle, depression will never defeat me.