Diary post #62.

Dear Diary.. 

- I suffered post-natal depression really bad with my son, to the point were I packed him up a bag & handed him over to my health visitor & told her to give him to another family... to this day I still beat myself up for what I did.. how could I tell her to just give my son away?! 

so you tell me, why would I let myself go through that again? Yes, I have put my 10 week old daughter into nursery for ONE measley afternoon a week, 4 little hours a week, 4 little hours that gives me time to recharge my batteries & take control!

i'm PROUD of myself for this, I have saved my daughter & my son from potentially seeing me break down! i'm PROUD of myself for seeing the signs of my post natal depression creeping in again & doing something about it. I dont want it to get a hold of me like it did before, so I have done what I thought was best & I have asked for help for when my husband is not avaliable & neither are my family members! this is something I never did before......

I suffered depression before I met my husband
I suffered depression before I had my children
Yes, I have everything I ever wanted but I still suffer with depression.

i'm the happiest person in the world 50% of the time, I know what I have, some people would love, & I do feel truly grateful but I cant help the fact that I suffer depression, & I cant just press a button & make it disappear! I wish I could.

i'm truly grateful that I have a loving & understanding husband & family, because the world is a cruel place, some people can be so unbelievable cruel & it seems these days that if someone isn't experiencing what you are, then straight away they judge you.

People shouldnt judge what they clearly dont understand & know nothing about.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!